Yes, I make jokes about being nearly paralyzed by depression*

My journey through life has been fraught /slash/ gifted with a Chronic Condition which, of its own accord, sometimes succeeds in changing my view of reality altogether.   { boo, hiss }

For about three months, I've been on the low side of things.

For about two weeks,  I've been on the *very* low side of things.


Sadly {pun intended}, this is not new territory, so no worries here.  Worries - no, but stifling sense of stagnation and suffocating defeat, yes.  {roll eyes..."Oh, honestly, again?!"  'Yes, Grasshopper, again.'}  


Please know it's very well-managed and I'm very well-versed in meds and therapeutic techniques and mood voodoo and action creates reality and all that so I'm NOT seeking advice here ... { I should have an honorary PhD in psych for the time  and ca$h I've spent on the couch }.


I'm just sayin'.


I feel as though a change may be coming.   And /slash/ or I am forcing a change.  Which is NOT easy.  Trust me.

Let me be clear - I am not predicting or hoping for a change of 'happiness' - not at all - but a change, a turn, a zig or a zag which will help jolt things in a new (though unknown) direction.

These jolts help make the intolerable insidiousness of Mental Illness tolerable.

So. I'm sayin'
beggin'
makin' happen
-- good gravy, please, brain chemistry, jump a synapse - throw me a chemical bone with which to wiggle the waters with SUMTHIN'!

~ ~ ~

{   The easiest label is Major Recurrent Depressive Disorder.  Other diagnoseeez through the years abound, the most accurate of which may just be Rapid Cycling Reverse Bi Polar.  Try saying that three times, and fast!   }


* If I don't laugh, I shut down and off and freeze and that is simply not an option with two kids, a husband and two dogs.